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reasons for staying #1: drawings / photos / notes
for a few months i wasn’t adding any added sugar or honey to my oats in the morning as an effort to reduce sugar, and recently have been looking for little snacks in the house that provide a bit of extra sweetness or crunch, which maybe defeats the purpose of the exercise and maybe says something about habits or willpower but really does make it yummy
i was sending my work team their daily horoscope and that was one of the most worthwhile things i was doing some days at the office. i don’t think i know very many people with office jobs who are having that much fun
went to my friend d’s house to draw out some core values of our friendship and what we wanted our friendship to look like in the future and it was a really joyful exercise
i was thinking about systems and structures and how i wanted this post and future posts to look and how i would form a disciplined habit of working on these posts so they would be regular and how i could try to make that a daily practice and then i thought i should get over myself, again, and just do something instead of thinking about it, even if unpolished
i have 3 pairs of socks that are my favourite and they are all the same.
i had a note to write about my dream but this is all it said: plastic surgery dream with lisa and sandy and the popcorn chicken thing
my brother ran the marathon and we just made it out of the apartment in time to cheer him on , and after we had burgers which were delicious and salty and then i was thirsty for the entire walk home and also the entire day, and J was laughing about how my “whole thing that day” was that i was thirsty , like that was my weekend episode , being thirsty
to contradict myself above i think doing structure and doing things in small increments is more important than having the right approach or wanting to do something. motivation will only get u so far, though it is a very very important step, as mentioned by
’s in how to change your life part 2. u need structure in ur life to do things u want. like solidifying a new habit. reaching out to friends. i want to do something now ; i want to walk in the direction without focusing on the outcome
charlie in the backyard / a good use for crates / cake cut with more (?) slices / oyakodon i made for myself and j / corner of the apartment i like to look at / tomatoes at the farmers market and perfect lettuce / reading club where we saw like 3 micro-celebrities / tulips / subway late at night for lunch I packed 4 chicken nuggets 1 chicken tender a pear and a banana and told everybody about it multiple times even though it’s not that cool to do this
while on the phone i asked J why he didn’t tell me I was taking the blankets all night and he said i didn’t want to wake you
i chased after my manager a whole block shouting, HEY. HEY. HEY. all the way down the street because he didn’t wait for me to grab coffee and i recognized his gait from far away, which made me feel like i knew him well
after bjj i stood up to bow out and thought i might throw up and had visions of biking home and throwing up in a bush but didn’t so that was a big win.
i got a new fountain pen and was drawing with it upside down enraged about the quality of pens these days (have never used a fountain pen btw) and then watched a video of someone using it the right way and now i really like it
comics from the last couple months (i have been trying to do it daily but haven’t done it , but have done more than nothing , which is more than last year)
hey bestie remember do what makes your soul shine master mechanic
i always bring two books with me on the subway or train in case i might finish my book (which i never do), but i feel faith in this compulsion, that i know this about myself intimately that on the slim chance i finish a book, i might like something else to read, and what if something happens, like a delay or closure, which would suck but also be a reason to read more
it’s so much easier and less scary to make something creative for a little audience, like writing letter to J or cobbling together a postcard for the friends who come to the reading club my roommate C and i host every friday. and then i think maybe i might have an easier time coaxing out that little beast again by just making something for the sake of other people and their joy instead of ambition and see what happens
reading club x vicky our dj 
reading club x potluck the bikeshare system downtown, despite every bike’s sticky handles, is easy to use and has saved me time and money and ferries me around the city at the perfect speed to admire buildings and dogs but still get to where i’m going three times faster than walking
this app called finch where you can send your friends unlimited encouragement. my user name of the month is fart bucket, and sometimes he sends me messages that remind me of my friend S who puts periods at the end of casual texts and is famously known for doing so
this trick i learned with rice and barley and the fact that you can put them in socks when you need a cheap little heat compress when you’re in pain and how it’s such an easy relief that you can toss in the microwave
the way boursin is packaged really annoys me. its so hard to take out of the box because its soft and theres no way to not get it on your hands. and stuffing it back into the box only to try and dig it out later is a punishment
the old guitarist in my band deleted a playlist he made for me full of songs with interesting piano / organ parts and i hadn’t saved the songs, but in looking for it and not finding it i remembered that i was really pleased that he had taken the time to make me a playlist in the first place
spotify should not automatically give u smart shuffle when you click the shuffle button. thats not what i wanted it to do and now people think i listen to too sweet by hozier
this is a new section of the newsletter that i’m trying out — an expanded gratitude journal / art log / autoethnography whatever. i used to combine my essays and what i was listening to / enjoying / obsessed with / what i had made that week (gallery / reasons for staying / etc etc), but i thought giving myself more room to write about this might be fun. and it was. and i absolutely owe this one to
and for their really sexy & hilarious bullet lists. let me know what you think - it’ll probably look different the next time i do it :) kiss !